You May Just be a Jewish Redneck if…

17 Jan

Jenny From the Blog of  THE SUBURBAN JUNGLE

After Seeing Lori’s hilarious post yesterday, (Redneck Jews – Myth or Reality?) it got me thinking about Redneck Jews and yes, I’ve known quite a few in my day.  Pair that with my recent midlife crisis B-day post - 10 Things I Wanted to do With my Life and Clearly Never Will - where I decided I would follow in the footsteps of Jeff Foxworthy  (Oh, that really happened) and you get  this list for your enjoyment.

(For more of this list you can go to JewishRedneck.com. – Oh, that’s really a site)  I feel I got the best of the best, plus I added some of my own.  ENJOY! 

You May Just be a Jewish Redneck If…


-You know which brand of squeeze cheese is Kosher

- You have a gun rack in your Sukkah

- You don’t ride on Shabbat because your car has a boot on it

- You think that a hora is a high priced call girl

- You wear shit kickers to synagogue

- You think that “KKK” means really really Kosher

- Your favorite Passover snack is spam on wonder

- You’re disappointed when your son tells you he wants to be a doctor or a lawyer, and not a NASCAR driver

- Matzo Balls are the most solid things you can eat with your tooth

- Your yard has car parts lying around to Volvo’s, BMW’s, and Porshe’s

- Your Seder plate has a picture of Elvis on it.

- You open the door for Elijah at Passover and have to chase away possums.

- You turn off your bug zapper on Friday night.

- You use dynamite in the pond to get gefilte fish.

- You request your Rabbi to certify roadkill as kosher.

- You know how to play Hava Nagila on the banjo.

- “Larry the Mohel Guy” ‘nuff said.

- Your yarmulke has fishing lures stuck in it.

- Your tallis is camouflage

- You store left over matzoth ball soup in old Cool Whip containers.

- You play drinking games with your dreidel.

- You had a combination Bat Mitzvah / Wedding.

- You painted over letters on your Toyota pickup’s tailgate so it now says OY.

- Your synagogue used to have wheels, but now it’s up on blocks.

- You end all prayers with “get er done” instead of Amen

Feel free to  comment and tell me your favorite one or write your own You may be a Jewish Redneck ifs…

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8 Responses to “You May Just be a Jewish Redneck if…”

  1. Lori Stefanac January 18, 2012 at 7:19 AM #

    LOVE this post! Let’s see if I can add a few (I mean, NOT like I would know from my own life experience or anything. Ahem)

    You are a Jewish Redneck if:
    * you’ve carved your own mezuzah from wood with a switchblade
    * you can shoot Mogen David bottles from a fence with your double barrel shotgun
    * “davening” gives you the “spins”
    * You make your matzo brie with 3 kinds of pork
    * You spit your chewing tobacco into the Kiddish Cup from your Bar Mitzvah

    I’m sure there are endless more.

    Do I end this comment with “amen” or “Yehawww”? How bout I just shotgun a Pabst Blue Ribbon instead?

    • Jenny From the Blog January 18, 2012 at 8:25 AM #

      Lola … I love you! We’re definitely making a part two as I keep coming up with more also, here’s one * You use the scroll from your mezuzah when you run out of rolling papers – what? It’s already curvy. Until the follow up…

  2. Karen Baitch Rosenberg January 18, 2012 at 1:08 PM #

    Love!

  3. cherie January 19, 2012 at 10:53 AM #

    Love it…You may be a Jewish Redneck if you use the Still in the backyard to make Shabbos Schnapps and then drink it out of a jug. Keep em comin’

  4. Bob January 19, 2012 at 11:12 AM #

    You can’t spell Porsche :P

  5. Jenn @therebelchick February 6, 2012 at 10:33 AM #

    You had me cracking up at KKK – thinks it’s really, really kosher. LOL

    • Jenny From the Blog February 13, 2012 at 9:33 PM #

      Too funny right? Look in my sorority, which was so Jewish, my sister name – they all had to be types of alcohol. (We can touch on that later) was Schlitz Malt Liquor – goes to show the first impression I make.

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