Do Your Kids Ever Try to Make out with You or is it Just Mine?

13 Feb

Written by Jenny From the Blog of The Suburban Jungle

Okay, so the title isn’t exactly PC.  Sure, they tell you not to make-out with your kids, but sometimes it’s a fine line between so cute and ummm, scary.  What parent doesn’t secretly love it when their child says they want to marry them?  I mean for how many years are they going to want to hug, snuggle, or hold your hand?

On February 14th 2 years ago my daughter came in to wish me a happy Valentine’s Day, to give me a stunning hand-made card, and to neck.  “Oh, this card is awesome.  Come give Mommy a kiss,”  I said in a very innocent non-incestuous way.  My daughter, maybe wanting to show me the magnitude of the holiday, grabbed my face with both hands and planted the biggest smooch on me, I almost started to giggle mid-peck.  But, she wasn’t done; she started turning her head from side to side in her best Victoria Justice imitation.  “Ummm, okay cutie,”  I said feeling partly amused and unexpectedly violated.

“But, Mommy I want one more kiss,” she said as she came in for another.

“Hon, you gotta save those kinds of kisses for your husband, a random friend in camp, and pillows” I said, as if they’re in limited quantity.  “I think you’re confused my love, we don’t kiss mommies or daddies or brothers or cousins or friends like that.   It’s inappropriate.”  I feel I have the “inappropriate” convo way more than any mom of a 5 year old should, but “inappropriate” beats “slutty” any day –though I’m thinking she’s not allowed out of the house until she’s 20.

“Hey, you wanna go on a date?” she asked ignoring me, and coming in for another.

“What???”

“Yeah, let’s go on a date and kiss and get some lollipops!”  She said trying to woo me, and then planted another smack on my lips.

“Sure, I would love to go on a date and get lollipops with you.”

What?  For how many more years will she want to date me?

The days of her telling me I’m “so gay” (or whatever the equivalent will be at that time) and asking me to drop her off a block from the mall, so she doesn’t have to be seen with her queer mom, are around the corner.  If she wants a lollipop date, I’m in.

“Let’s go, but we gotta stop making-out.”

“But Mom, I love you sooo much” she said squeezing me tight.

Awwww, is this not the sweetest moment EVER?  I thought.  Well, until she followed up with “I want to puke of love!”

Okay, so she’s a bit confused, but she said it in her “sexy voice,” which means it was a compliment.  I will overlook the fact that it also means it was an attempt to pick me up.

PS my son’s card read:  You are my lover and I love you… Will you be my valentine when I’m with you? … Just askin.

To you, my insecure child, who is also clearly a bit confused, yet doesn’t want to make-out with me, but I hope still wants to marry me, “Yes, 1000 times yes.  You make me want to puke of love!!!”

Who knows what this year will hold?

Have a HAPPY V-DAY!!! even if it’s mildly inappropriate.

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7 Responses to “Do Your Kids Ever Try to Make out with You or is it Just Mine?”

  1. Jen February 13, 2012 at 10:35 AM #

    You are not alone. My 6 yr old daughter pretty much tries to ‘melt into me’ and become one with me 90% of the time we spend together. I too, get proposals to marry her daily and the occasional attempts at making out. My older kids think she is disgusting. I typically gently push her away and say “easy there, you are not supposed to make out with Mommy or anyone else for that matter”.
    I’m with you on the theory of ‘it only being a matter of time before they even want to be in the same room as us, nevermind want to make out with us’
    :)

    • Jenny From the Blog February 13, 2012 at 10:41 AM #

      Jen- seriously, I mean it’s not that bad right? I will so miss the mush. My daughter used to say she would marry my son and I was like, “that would save me a ton on wedding.”

  2. Lori Stefanac February 13, 2012 at 10:53 AM #

    I miss those innocent days when the only girl in my boys’ lives was ME! Luckily two of my 3 boys would rather eat dirt than kiss girls yet. However, my oldest seems more than willing to play tonsil hockey with several of the girls in his class who have suddenly sprouted boobies and who show every sign of developing into little tramps…no, I mean whores…no, I mean LADIES. Lovely young LADIES. I’m still not sure if he’s had his first kiss but I know if he hasn’t it will be very soon. I don’t really want to know. “lalalalalalalalala” That’s me with my fingers stuck in my ears denying the onset of puberty. Stupid puberty. Puberty is an asshole.

    • Jenny From the Blog February 13, 2012 at 11:36 AM #

      Call those ladies what they are… tramps. Tramps who are trying to steal your son and make him not want to make out with you. Harlots!!!

  3. Tracy Beckerman February 13, 2012 at 1:37 PM #

    This is really just the cutest story, EVUH! My kids are both teenagers and not only don’t they hug or kiss me, they don’t even talk to me.. just send me texts… even when we are all in the same house. Love your son’s card. too. Just saw one someone posted on line from their little guy that said, “I love you mommy and daddy.. you are lucky to be alive.” not sure what he meant by that but if were me, I’d sleep with a bat next to the bed!

    • Jenny From the Blog February 13, 2012 at 9:38 PM #

      Tracy, you make me want to cry, uncontrollably sob, weep and then crack up all at once. I believe that’s the sign of a good comment!

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  1. What those Candy Hearts Should Really Say After a Couple Years of Marriage | Jenny From the Blog presents . . . . The Suburban Jungle - February 13, 2012

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